SAN FRANCISCO (KMOX) — Who are these guys who keep winning majors? Where do they keep coming from? Somebody named “Webb” I am told won the U.S. Open? Is that possible?

Whatever happened to hearing people like Jack and Tom and Nick and that guy we called Tiger comparing this major win to the one four years ago or ten years ago? What is it now, fifteen straight majors without a repeat winner? And is there some kind of rule that everybody who wins a major must have a name that sounds like the young ‘other’ man in a daytime soap opera – Webb, Keegan, Lucas? How many “Webb’s” do you know personally?

Did the USGA and the PGA and the R&A get together and pass a secret rule that everybody gets one major in their lifetime?  You know, sort of like CYC basketball where every kid gets a trophy.

Maybe I am just imagining all of this, because I could have sworn for two days I was being told that Tiger was back. I think people I was around said he looked unbeatable. Now you’re telling me somebody named “Webb” beat him. Or did the USGA strike a deal with NBC to promote the upcoming Summer Olympics?  Play the US Open at a course named “Olympic” and then, to tie into the games in London, make the event into a relay where Tiger hands off to Jim and Jim hands off to Webb to get it across the finish line. They have all those other spots they keep playing for the Summer Games. A relay in the U.S. Open would really remind people to watch.

And is there any real proof that this guy named “Webb” really won the U.S. Open? I will admit I was out on the course at times and didn’t watch every minute on ESPN and NBC, but I think I never saw or heard of anybody named “Webb” until the whole thing was nearly over. I saw a fourteen year old. I saw a seventeen year old. Did anybody else see Webb the first three days? Surely NBC wouldn’t wait until the last day to show us the guy who would win the U.S. Open.

I did see a lot on Sunday, and I am pretty sure they told me it was coming down to Graeme and Jim on the back nine. I don’t remember them bringing up “Webb” until it was nearly over. Even then he was wearing black and the guy picking up the trophy was wearing white. I think the guy wearing black was Michael Thompson or something like that. Or was “Webb” the other guy in black with his putter at the end of crutch? They sort of all look alike.

The reason I ask that is because this isn’t how great golf tournaments end. Here were Johnny and Dan and Dottie and Roger giving us every move by Jim and Graeme as they played the last three holes, and then when it was just about to end, somebody switched the channel and we saw this young couple holding hands and watching TV. I think the woman’s name was “Dowd” and she was seven months pregnant. Now that’s a name for a soap opera – “Dowd.”

Tournaments end with Tom chipping in on seventeen or Bubba coming out of the woods on ten. This one ended with “Dowd’s” eyes getting really big, and then she gave the guy she was holding hands with a kiss. Was that “Webb”? I thought somebody accidentally switched the channel, and I was watching the “Newlywed Game,” and “Dowd” and “Webb” just learned they had won a new bedroom set. What happened to Jim and Graeme?

Wait a minute, I do remember hearing that Jim came up with an explanation why he didn’t win. He told people afterward that the USGA messed him up by making the sixteenth hole too easy. He said he practiced how to play that hole from 670 yards and then this guy named “Mike” moved the tee up one hundred yards. He said he was so rattled he couldn’t figure out what club to hit so he just hit it the trees to make a point.

This new golf without Tiger really being back is just too difficult to follow. None of these guys are even in Wikipedia. The British Open is coming up in the next month and it will probably be won by somebody named “Connor” or “Dustin” or “Luke” or even “Louis.” Wait, I think I heard that name before.

Dan Reardon is Golf Editor at KMOX in St. Louis.  He can be heard throughout the week on America’s Sports Voice.