Let me start off by saying that if you’re squeamish about baby poop, you can stop reading this blog right now. Just a fair warning. I’ll wait while you weigh your options…
I’m assuming if you’ve read this far, you can stomach what I’ve written. Here we go.
I’ve become a brave man when it comes to changing diapers. I learned from the beginning that you always place a fresh diaper underneath the dirty one to have a clean one ready just in case something were to happen. Great advice, right? Well, I got lazy with it and it came back to bite me recently.
My friends with kids always warned me about the very realistic possibility of baby constipation. Breast milk can back them up and they won’t poop for days at a time. The thought of that just makes me miserable. But babies don’t know any better.
We got our first experience with constipation early last week with Kyle. He hadn’t gone in days and Kacie and I both thought something wasn’t right. She called their pediatrician and they recommended giving them baby juice. The juice is supposed to “loosen things up” — so to speak. My sister and sister-in-law recommended rectal stimulation with a baby thermometer. I wasn’t exactly sold on this idea but I knew it had to be done in order to ease Kyle’s pooping problem.
I got off the phone with my sister and Kacie asked, “So what did she say to do?”
“Rectal stimulation,” I told her with a sour look on my face. We stood there silently and I spoke up. “Well, I don’t want to do it.”
Kacie rolled her eyes at me, laughed, and said, “I will.”
It went flawlessly. The rectal stimulation and the juice had Kyle pooping in less than four hours.
A couple days went by and we realized Cameron was having similar issues. He hadn’t pooped in a few days, he was becoming fussy, and he wasn’t finishing his bottles. A sign, I thought, that he was probably getting to the point of constipation. I wanted to nip this in the bud before it became an issue with him.
I worked up the nerve to try the rectal stimulation with him to see what — if anything — would happen.
I plopped Cameron down on the changing table and went to work. I took his dirty diaper off and didn’t lay anything down underneath. There was nothing between his butt and the changing pad. Big mistake on my part.
After about 20 seconds of the stimulation, Cameron let out a big fart. I laughed because I’m immature. What followed wasn’t so funny.
Cameron clenched his butt and out came three days worth of poop. And it kept coming and coming. I freaked out and stood there frozen. I didn’t know what to do and it was going everywhere. It was all over him. It was all over his onesie. And it was all over the changing table.
The only thing I could think to do in that moment was call my wife into their room and admit defeat. I knew she would crush me — and rightfully so.
Kacie rushed in, saw what was happening, and started laughing. Cameron had a relieved look on his face and I was in a state of shock.
Kacie was calm and helped me clean up the poopy mess that covered the room. So needless to say, I learned my lesson. Whether I’m changing a dirty diaper or sticking a thermometer in my kid’s butt, I need to have a clean diaper ready. And I know this isn’t our last battle with constipation.
Dave Cline is the producer of the Mark Reardon Show and Total Information PM on KMOX.