TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: College Station Vs. Cleveland

College Station
Cleveland
Sam Houston State v Texas A&M
Miami Dolphins v Cleveland Browns
Weather Conditions
Winner Average Temp 69 degrees
Average Temp 49 degrees
Fan Base
Winner Thousands of nubile coeds called “Aggies” screaming Johnny’s name, making eyes at him and texting him their phone numbers.
Thousands of zaftig middle aged men called the “Dawg Pound” screaming Johnny’s name making foul hand gestures at him and texting him death threats after a loss.
Support Team
Yell Leaders: a bunch of elected male nerds who try to motivate the fans with synchronized cheers.
Winner Cheerleaders: a bunch of scantily clad women who try to motivate the fans with sex appeal.
Nickname
Winner Home of the 12th Man
The Mistake On The Lake
Extracurricular Activities
George Bush Presidential Library and Museum
Winner Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and A Christmas Story House
Stadium Name
Winner Kyle Field: The House That Johnny Built? (pending)
First Energy Stadium

The Winner Is

Sam Houston State v Texas A&M
Winner College Station
4 out of 6

This one’s a no brainer. Despite the lack of cheerleaders (why TAMU, why?) it’s quite obvious Johnny Manziel belongs in South Texas. I mean he does have the nubile coeds after all. Heck, they may even name the stadium after him. It will be fun to watch, however, if Johnny Football can handle the frigid temps and mentality of the Midwest.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (L-R) Mikal Bridges #25 of the Villanova Wildcats, Jalen Brunson #1, Darryl Reynolds #45, and Josh Hart #3. (credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images) Kennedy Meeks #3, Justin Jackson #44, Marcus Paige #5, Joel Berry II #2 and Brice Johnson #11 of the North Carolina Tar Heels.  (credit: Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
    NCAA Championship Tale: 2 Villanova vs. 1 North Carolina

    After all the hoopla and hype, the NCAA Tournament Championship Game has arrived, and both North Carolina and Villanova are very good, deserving teams.

  2. Head coach Roy Williams of the North Carolina Tar Heels.  (credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images) Head coach Jim Boeheim of the Syracuse Orange. (credit: Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
    Final Four Tale: 1 North Carolina Vs. 10 Syracuse

    North Carolina-Syracuse is an interesting matchup for the Final Four.

  3. Daniel Ochefu #23 of the Villanova Wildcats (C) celebrates defeating the Kansas Jayhawks in the South Regional. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images) Buddy Hield #24 of the Oklahoma Sooners holds up the West Regional trophy.  (Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)
    Final Four Tale: 2 Villanova Vs. 2 Oklahoma

    Most of the country predicted the Kansas Jayhawks to be here, but the Villanova Wildcats knocked off the top team in the country in last Saturday’s Elite 8 contest.

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